just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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