While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
