He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nutella sex= disaster
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize