I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
