i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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