Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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