these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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