Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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