you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
