It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
