As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
