Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
