You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
