That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
