You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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