so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
