hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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