My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
