I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She announced her abortion via fbk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize