We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
