i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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