I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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