Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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