fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can you bring me the toilet please
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
