we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
