her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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