Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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