I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
