hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
