Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
