taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize