every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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