Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize