i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
