you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
