I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize