Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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