We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
