i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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