In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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