I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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