She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
