ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
