All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
