im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
