I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
