One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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