while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
