After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Less talking, more tequila
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
