Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
