and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
