hotel room ftw
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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