Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
