how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
