Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were trust falling into bushes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
