He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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