What did we do last night that was yellow?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
