I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
