If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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