My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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