I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
