At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
