$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
