It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
