So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
