I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
