Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
