I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
