Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
