thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
