Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
